11/16/14

Life sucks. grams dead. moms mean. I'm fat. i'm broke. i wanna be back in disney.

It's been a bad day

I really wasn't feeling it today. I got a little moody at work and got pissed at the things they had me doing, and a specific co worker was being an asshole. I heard a customer say something mean about me when they thought i couldn't hear. to top it all off, my rat, seraphina, died tonight, unexpectedly. She was fine yesterday, and my brother called me saying she wasn't moving. i went home and held her and she was freezing and shivering and wouldn't lift her head, but was still breathing. after trying to force feed her, bathe her in warm water, and give her water with a syringe, she started seizing and eventually passed while i was holding her. It's been a really fucking awful day.

“I am not happy. I am not unhappy. I am frozen somewhere in the middle that is so much worse. I am nowhere. Nothing is happening and I am getting more and more sad.”

I AM GOING BACK TO DISNEY IN JANUARY FOR 5 DAYS I AM SO EXCITED I AM REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY EXCITED! I HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO NOW! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

College

being in college has been pretty easy so far, but i really haven't been challenging myself. i've actually been pretty lazy. but now i'm looking into transferring and i really want to go to the university of montana. it's so pretty, and it would really be a change of scenery for me. they also have a fabulous education program. the only thing that concerns me is that it's almost thirty thousand dollars a year. so that would put me 120k in debt by the time i graduated, plus the 10k or so ive spent at county. it's soo stressful :( i can't wait to read this blog 24 years from now with my children and laugh at myself. i really hope i can.

House Sitting

I'm at Dylans house watching his dog over night while his parents are visiting him up at rutgers new brunswick. Today is also championships for my brother and the AHS marching band and i am so unbelievably sad that i'm not there. I just got off the phone with Joe and he said they did so well and thinks they have a realllllly good chance at winning! He says they were, and i quote "Tight." oh, joseph.
       chelsea's here keeping me company. She's pretty cool. i guess. ew. nevermind. bye.

Switching over

WOW! it has been SO long since i posted anything on this blog. to be honest, i forgot that i even had it. blogging was something i inherited through a friend back in high school, but i never really hung on to it much. I have a lot going on right now, and i'm getting nothing but negative vibes from the ever so popular Tumblr.com, so i figured i'd give this a shot.
 So let's see what has changed since my last blogging experience.

1. i am now a junior in college
2. i have completed a College Program working in Disney World
3. my parents have gotten divorced, and my mom is now engaged
4. my dad is still the same
5. I live in new, much smaller house
6. my brother cut off all his hair
7. he has a new girlfriend
8. i have a dog now, named Shyla, and she's a siberian husky
9. i am probably close to 30 pounds heavier, but hey, it happens and i'm working on it

So now, we start blogging. Let's see how long this keeps up! Here's to a happy blogging life!

me then:

me now:

the best night...EVER

So tonight, July 11th, 2010, will forever be known as the best day of my entire life. I now type this at 11:11, which is ironic, but I MET TIM URBAN TODAYYYYYY<3

Driving

I've had my license for almost 2 months. In these past 2 months, i have been used numerous times by people who i rarely even talk to. It's so friggen annoying. Like we haven't talked in ages, what makes you think i want to take you to the mall? and when you ask me to "hang out" i know that really means "i need a ride somewhere."

sostopusingme

i'm disgusting

i sometimes repulse myself.

Hellooo s u m m e r

Summer has officially begun. Now i know it technically started once school let out, but summer consists of nothing but theater for me, and until theater started, it was just a break from school in my mind. So today was the first day of theater, and it was a blast. I love my cast already, we're really small, and i think once the awkward bubble that surrounds the first few days of theater pops, we'll be pretty tight. They may be young, but they're at that perfect age. No one talks. I know i'll later bite my words. But it's cool.
      We played the toilet paper game. Where you take as much toilet paper as you like, and then tell the kids that for every sq. of toilet paper they have, they have to tell us something about themselves. Poor mike thought it would be funny to take like half the roll. haha he was soo mad when he found out what it was actually for.
             I'll post the cast list tomorrow :)

The power of prayer

Remember my last post about Ellie. Well, Ellie Shoal Potvin is no longer with us. She died this morning, June 23,2010, at 11:35am, in her mothers arms. After her hip tumor burst two nights ago, the doctors sent sweet Ellie home to enjoy her final moments not hooked up to any machines and to be around the people that love her. The doctors had estimated that Ellie wouldn't make it through the night. I periodically checked my twitter, looking for any sign that Ellie had gone to be with God.
      I eventually fell asleep. The next morning, i woke up, only to see she was not only alive, but talking, too. Truly a miracle. I then vowed that i wouldn't sleep until Ellie had gone to be with God. So last night, June 22nd, 2010, I did not sleep. I stayed up all night, and am still awake now. I attempted to take a nap around 4am when Amy, Ellies mom, posted that she would not be on for a few hours. It didn't work very well. I instant messaged a few friends asking them to pray, and they did. And Ellie made it through yet another night. I lit a candle around 5am for Ellie, and said a prayer.
         I really do believe it is because of the continuous prayer that Ellie got over the last two nights that she made it that far. After her mother told her that it was okay to fly home, Ellie Shoal Potvin left this earth to be free from pain, and sit in her 19 story mansion with all of her parrots and dolphins.

Ellie Shoal Potvin

Oh! Just so i don't forget. Please pray for Ellie Potvin. She's 8 years old and fighting a vicious battle against cancer. It tears me apart inside to know that right now, tons of kids are fighting cancer, and some of them are losing the fight. But i don't think Ellie is going to lose. I've been following her on twitter for a while at @liftupellie and i just have a feeling she's going to kick this cancers ass. She deserves to. She's a beautiful little girl, and deserves the very best in life<3 please pray

So this is really it

So basically, it's goodbye junior year, and hello year of decisions. It scares the living hell out of me. I really wish i could just go back to preschool where the hardest decision was which crayon to choose to trace your hand with. It truly is amazing how fast time flies. To anyone reading this, if you are young, live your life while you can. Well now it kind of sounds like i'm dying. But really, try your hardest in school, and don't give up.
               The seniors at my school graduate tomorrow. Its so weird think that next marking period, i won't be walking the halls with my favorite seniors anymore. Ugh this is really too much for me to handle.

But for now, i have to concentrate on my last final, which should totally be a breeze. Summer starts on thursday<3 hellooooo theater<3

I'm gonna go bawl my eyes out now. cya

6/10

Oh, my gosh. today was my last full day as a junior in high school. thatmeans that in like three months, i will be a senior. i'm going to die. Soooooo i'm so ready for summer, that it's ridiculous. It should be a really good one, or atleast i hope it will be. This year has just been so stressful, that i'd like to think i actually deserve a nice summer. but with my luck, it'll be horrible. Whatever.

6/7

I feel so different. I feel like that i am becoming the person that i lamented about previously in my blogging career. I have changed, and i'm not sure that it's for the better. I rarely talk to people anymore, because every little thing that people do, annoy the hell out of me. I'm constantly so easily irritated, and the people of audubon, well lets just say that they are pros at irritating me.
          It's also becoming quite clear to me that i am hated. me. i never thought i was a mean person, but apparently i do "mean" things to people, and it brings them down. I feel really bad that i'm mean without  knowing it. If anyone out there is actually reading my blog, and knows of some sort of way that i can not be mean, please tell me; because i didn't think i was a mean person.

  OH! Today, I introduced Hannah and Stave (Steve) to Hershey pies for the first time, and we came to a general consecus that it was like an orgasm in your mouth. A pure explosion of awesome-ness. So you, yea you, reading this post; GO GET ONE NOW! They're at burger king for like 1.79$ or something like that, but it's SOOOO worth it!

 Finals are rapidly approaching, and my grades are spiraling downward! MUST. DO. BETTER!

5/25

It's Brennan's birthday! It's absolutely killing me that i'm not currently involved in some sort of production. I have my summer audition in a few days, depending on when the directors get back to me. It's gonna be my 9th summer with WDLT<3 i really do love everyone there. It may be drama filled, but family's fight, but eventually, they make it up, and it's like nothing ever happened. I feel like i can tell anyone there anything, and i can trust them with my life. The people that i have met there have truly shaped who i am, and without them, i probably would just spend my summer like everyone else in Audubon getting trashed, but that's not possible, being i have rehearsal EVERY night<3 i love it.
    Everyday after school, i feel like i need to go to the auditorium, and the play has been over for like 4 months. that's sad. I found my character shoes the other day, and they said "ADELAIDE<3" written in them. I cried for a few minutes. I miss Guys and Dolls, and my hot box babies :( Even though i see them in school everyday. It's just really sad to think that i'm not gonna have 3 of them next year bc they're seniors. This year was so fun, play wise. Ok, i'm just babbling about random stufff<3 cyaaa

Changes

I feel like everyone is changing. I honestly can say that i don't know who anyone is anymore, or who i am for that matter. I guess this is what high school does to people. They (People) feel that in order to impress others, they must do things that they will later on regret, no matter how much fun they are having at that given moment. I just don't see why people think that drinking and getting so stoned you don't know where you are is cool. It doesn't make sense to me. Some claim that they are "living their lives to the fullest extent possible." However, if you really think about it, most of them are drinking to the point where they black out, making it hard for them to even remember that "amazing night" they had the previous night.
            Relationships are also extremely over rated these days. Very few relationships last more than a year, and those that do, with the exception of a few, are only lasting for one reason. It makes me sick.
            I very rarely say this, but in all seriousness, i sometimes wish people could be more like me.

Adelaides Lament

Adelaide's lament!

My performance as Adelaide in my high schools' production of Guys and Dolls 2010! ***Fast forward to 5:42 for the actual song! (i think)

Let's get the basics down first

-Nikki

-17

-AHS'11

-Acting is my life

-I'm never fully satisfied with anything i do, it's just who i am.